Intense / Beautiful Packages.

I read a blog yesterday by Laurie about her identity crisis. I have to admit, I could relate. When I'd visit other people with kids, like my sister for example who has four kids, it always seemed intense, but I figured, "with your own kids you must grow into the intensity, making it seem less intense." I've changed my mind on this. Having a child IS intense. One is intense. Four is even more intense. It is really hard work and I don't think I fully appreciated that before (sorry Yoyo). It is exhausting and unrecognized for the most part. Your children set the compass for your days and sometimes are the only ship in the sea, when you desperately need to hit land to get things done.

I used to really question daycare. Why would anyone pay someone else to raise their kids, I thought. MY sister after all can handle four kids all day by herself. I've changed my mind on this too ultimately. Thought daycare isn't the best option for our family, I can certainly understand how it might be the best option for someone else. I hate the days that I stare at the clock waiting for Raph to get home, wishing that I could something else done. I hate when Makili is happy playing with me, my mind is surveying the house for the next project I will complete when I can slip away from him without him crying. This is in my nature. I am a teacher, a professional multi-tasker and being single-minded is maddening for me.

Raph's aunt Gina yesterday said "motherhood is wasted on the young." When we are young and have so much we want to do, motherhood is difficult. She says grandmas on the other hand appreciate the situation differently and are often happy to dedicate time to a baby. I think probably grandmas' abilities to do this may in fact be linked to learning to give up part of themselves as young women. Who knows.

Gina also says, "be careful what you say because it comes back to bite you in the ass." I am trying to be aware of this karmic fact, to not be judgmental of others and to appreciate that there are a million ways to raise a child and most of them produce well-adjusted individuals. I've been feeling a lot of advice coming my way recently. I used to shrug off these comments, confident in my own choices, but I've found them tagging along for longer periods of time. After all, what the hell do I know. I'm tired. Mostly I'm tired of cleaning the house. But I'm tired of not having friends around too. I'm tired of not sleeping. (Makili has been doing better with the sleep, even throughout sickness when I responded to him multiple times in middle of the night, etc. The last two nights though haven't been so good. His napping on the other hand is fully maddening. Like he won't do it. I get him to all asleep and try to move him into his crib, he wakes and screams. Sometimes I've left him in there, since at bedtime he never cries for more than 15 minutes. not so at naptime. Naptime is my only time to get something else done....ahhhh...)

So I've had my own catharsis after reading Laurie's. I really truly did not know how much work a child was, how trying it is to be at home all day with a baby, how challenging certain issues could be. I don't know how my sister has done this four times with no family nearby far away from even a grocery store distraction. I of course believe it to be totally worth it for the Makili and even myself ultimately, but really who knew?

So onto another note. I recently won a "comment contest" from Becky and have decided to host my own. (See pictures of some of my favorite fabulous winnings below!) Anyone who posts a comment will be entered in the "comment contest" for a package of handmade goods. No idea yet what I will include, but your name will be entered once for each comment left before April 15 - tax day... Hope to hear from you!

Domo Arigato Gabe, Laura and Gabrielle

Traveling to Japan is a big trip. Similar to going to Hawaii but you are stuck on a plane for 11 to 14 hours, which would be fine if your legs didn't hit the seat in front of you.
Japan can be thought of as opposite world. The maps in English are made by people to don't understand the difference between the true map and a mirror image of the map, so everything is the opposite of what it says. You drive on the right side of the road. You read from right to left, so you start a book from the back. Tokyo is one of the largest cities in the world and shops are closed at 5:00 pm. Not only that but they open at 10 or 11 in the morning and many restaurants are closed from 2 to 5.


This is Hiroshima before 8:15 am August 6 1945.


This is Hiroshima after 8:15 am.


This orange place is Miyajima Shrine, it would look pretty awesome at high tide because the water comes in under it and makes it look as though it is floating. You get the idea with the group picture in front of the torii gate.



Gabrielle is pretty cute except when she rides in the car for 6 hours. Strangely her head is smaller than Makili's. I was expecting her to be bigger than she was because the last time I saw her she seemed so huge compared to Makili. Now that I am home Makili's head seems even bigger. I was taking a picture of him and his head takes up half the frame and then the rest of him takes up the other half. I guess we can make jokes about him being big headed or full of himself later in life. Soon they will meet again, and it will probably end up with more crying like the first time.


Tokyo vending machine
Gabe says that one thing he really likes about Japan is that you will almost always be given a picture or visual representation of what you are going to eat when you order it. The thing is when the food comes to you it looks that good, sometimes better. Presentation is important no matter what restaurant you go to.



Tokyo lights

My mom's middle name should be FARKEL

My mom is visiting while Raph is away so that I don't lose my mind. I laugh a lot when my mom is around, mostly with her, but occasionally she says something funny, like today we were making soup with fresh rosemary and thyme. She looks at the recipe and looks at me and says "these recipes always say to remove the leaves, but I think they're so flavorful!" Yeah. All these years she's been removing the leaves, finely chopping the twigs, and adding them to our food. Who knew?

She also brought an awesome game, which I highly recommend. It's name is Farkel. Farkeling is actually not a good thing - it means to cancel out your score for the turn, like pigging out in pass the pigs. I beat her in two straight games tonight. No luck involved. All strategy and guts. Woo hoo...

Eight Months

I don't have the normal deluge of photographs to celebrate with this month. Raph is in Japan visiting his brother and he got to take the camera, so we've returned to film around here. It's also been a LONG week. We're both tired of being sick, though we are both starting to feel better. Now we just have hacinkg coughs and snotty noses. I might actually let Makili out of the house soon, since it has been so cold and he so sick that we pretty much haven't even gone on a walk in weeks. Nor have I gone running. Yes running. I was running for a while there, and the last time I ran I ran 1.2 miles without stopping once, which is like a record for me. But then the weather turned and rained non-stop for a week, then snowed non-stop for a few days making the road icy, and then I got sick and it's been all over. Damn.



Back to Makili. He is an adept crawler, though he always prefers to stand and try to get places by holding onto the furniture. He also really like to practice picking things up while standing, crouching down, standing up, crouching down, standing up. I think he might be walking soon, but we'll see. He LOVES books with flaps in them, like "Ears, Toes, and Nose" (thanks Kate, Guy and Elio). He will crawl off my lap to get to that book if I try to read another one, though he will patiently sit through others too, like the Boynton collection Raph's cousin Sarah gave us. What a lucky kid!



We've entered into mommy land too, where I am the only thing he wants. He cries if I leave the room, like always, ahhhh... He will crawl right after me, whether into the bathroom or the kitchen (it isn't too hard to find me in the 741 square feet of our house!)

Raph and I have been working on teaching him to wave "hi" and "bye" and sometimes I swear he does it. I also swear occassionally he'll try to make an animal sound when we're reading the noisy farm book. I'm pretty sure he knows the following words: look, help, up, booba, dadddy, and maybe some others. We do sign language with some of those words and I'm hoping he might start signing back at some point, maybe this month?

Feverish

You probably can't tell on this video but both Makili and I have been suffering from some unknown virus since Friday. Our fevers have come and gone and come again. Makili was quite sick today actually, which I have to admit is no fun. I gave up trying to do anything else today and gave him my undivided attention, which for those of you that know me realize, is against my nature. I am a multi-tasker. I am trying to complete seven things at once at all times. Today I was worried about Makili and I made a conscious effort to focus on him, to make him comfortable, and to see to it that he had an okay day despite being too toasty warm for my liking. It was remarkably easy to do really and in fact I enjoyed the calm day. I read when he slept, though mostly I laid with him since he would wake so easily otherwise from congestion as to risk it. We played and walked around and I let him hold all his favorite objects - the phone, the cannopener, my mug (is he a future potter?)

Tomorrow I babysit, for a mom who also has the virus and who made an unplanned for visit to the hospital today in an ambulance. Even though part of me feels like Makili and I are still to sick, I know she is even sicker, and has three kids, god help her. So Grandma Ann is going to hang out with Makili tomorrow and I won't get to meditate on single-mindedness or simplicity, but instead chase three healthy kids around and practice multi-tasking again.

Kayden Turns Two

Makili attended his first official birthday party last weekend. I unfortunately was too sick to go, so Raph and Makili went and brought Kayden a new hockey stick. (It was a hit with her dad from what I hear.) Raph took these shots of the fun. I'm especially fond of the banana shot.

The Sleep Saga

We finally tired of the 2 hours sleep schedule and decided to let the crying loose last night. But amazingly, Makili was pretty okay with it. He went to bed at 7:30 and we didn't go in his room until 4:30 this morning, with only a two short bouts of crying, one hysterical 15 minutes and one whimpery 30 mintues. We're hopeful that things will go as well tonight. Keep your fingers crossed because I am pretty sick and need the sleep.

Craucus

I had a pretty good time at the Maine Democratic Caucus. Let me share a little of my experience.

We arrived slightly early and quickly realized we were not early enough. Lines of cars circled the high school looking for parking spots. Luckily we have a Jeep and drove up on a big snow bank. Perfect. We made our way past the people campaigning outside, pushing their Hillary stickers on us, and into the door where we were shepearded into a LONG line to "sign in." There was another line to register or change party affiliation, if you were independent or unenrolled. Our line moved fairly quickly since we had registered the previous week, though we were flabbergasted when we turned the corner and the line was another long distance into the cafeteria where the sign in occured. in we went, after I stopped to chat with anyone who had a baby, (since by the nature of the neighborhood caucus, they were neighbors) and off to the M table. (I still feel like I should be at the B table most of the time.)

Our names weren't on the list. Another line. We waited while the man in front of us, also an obama supporter, swore at the lady at the table and called her an idiot. She looked up our names on the more recently printed list (couldn't they have waited to print out the final list?) and told us to go back to the M table and assure the lady there that we "were on the list." Real official. Then we were shephearded into the gym where Hillary signs and Obama leis adorned the bleachers. Accidentally we ended up on the "right" side with the Obama people and waited for that long line of registees to come in. State congress people gave short talks, but mostly there was visiting with neighbors and meeting new people. They ended up turning unregistered voters away, even though they are supposed to be able to register the day of. Very democratic, huh?

Each candidate had a spokesperson who gave a speech. Obama supporters were intense, booing and being fairly raucous. The speeches were really well-thought-out and extensive. They were impressive actually. Then we had to get to appropriate side of the gym for real, because we were to be counted. At this point, a simple ballot seems like it might have been more effective. Counting 550 people accurately is a joke, especially one at a time. It took several tries before they figured out a system that seemed accurate. Come on. As a foreigner, I would have laughed at our democratic exercise. In this age of technology we must be able to come up with something better!

They shared the results. And there was a SECOND counting. Thankfully, they just counted the people that moved. I think the people who joined the Obama camp felt like heroes after the applause they gathered.

In all, I felt that the caucus left people out, may have been at least a little inaccurate, and was a bit too long. It was fun to see neighbors, Makili loved the commotion, but it was damn hot with close to 600 people in that gym. Makili was stripped down to his diaper by the end of the night. That's democracy for you I guess? I have some pictures...maybe tomorrow.

Busy Weekend and the Afterbath

We ventured up to the Raph's parents house to celebrate his mom's birthday this weekend. Lots to do. So much to do, Makili felt like sleeping was a waste of time. Oh well. We had cake with Ann and her twin brother George.





Makili spent some time trying to wake up Grandpa from his naps, while being egged on by Uncle Abram and Aunt Ny, who is also pregnant.




Aunt Gina brought three of her five lap dogs over (Yes she admits to being the crazy dog lady.) She is working on trying to convince us to take a dog home, which has been easy to resist thus far, though in the future Makili might throw some fits, because he really likes those little dogs.




Makili was lucky enough to inherit some toys from the Burns', whose kids came caroling the last time we were there. What a lucky boy!


This picture was from our house, the afterbath. I think the mess surrounding the quiet moment is pretty representative.


We finished our weekend with our participation in the Maine Democratic Caucus, which I intend to report on further. It was quite an experience...

About nursing

I've always been a fairly modest person. Compared to good friends like Cara Puff, who once answered the door to meet her new roommate naked, I'm a complete prude. But somehow getting pregnant and nursing have sort of brought out a new side of me. It isn't that I'm no longer modest, but I do believe women should have the right to breast-feed in public. It shouldn't be something that we need to hide, something considered offensive. So I am committed to nursing in public. I try to be discreet, but I don't use a nursing cover and I don't go off into a separate room. I try to be respectful of older people and teenagers, but other than that I nurse in public.

I have found young children, for obvious reasons, are very interested in nursing. I am slowly collecting some funny comments to nursing from young kids. Our friends Jess and Ryan's little girl, Rachel, walked up to me while I was nursing one day and after looking carefully, said "What's he chewing on?"

I've been babysitting some cute kids for last month or so and they are also interested. Morgan, who is about 18 months old, looks and me as I nurse, and shouts imploringly, "milk? milk?" and I say "Yeah, the baby is getting milk, that's right." Finally one day her older brother Sam said, "I think she wants your milk Blayne!" Sam is pretty sweet. Whenever Makili cries, Sam says, "Maybe you should give him some milk."

One day when we were all reading books on the couch, Sam leaned his head on my chest and said "I'm going to lay me head on your nipple." Though his mom recently told me that he actually says "nibbles" which is even funnier. She also told me that Sam and his older brother Jack were nursing on each other the other day. Sadly she didn't get a picture for me.

Details

Winter is receding, or so it seems anyway. I haven't taken enough picture of the ice which is so beautiful and hands down my favorite thing about winter in Maine.





I'm not very politically oriented, but I get chills when I hear Obama speak. I wasn't in a tsunami state, and I haven't even registered in Maine yet. It is interesting to me how oratory skills, which have long been a cornerstone of candidacy, still are important in this day and age... Though there is always George Bush to counteract that theory. Anyway, with no tv, I spend a great part of each day listening to NPR and I'm sadly addicted to this political process. I find the engagement of the population reassuring and exciting and hopeful.

So damn cute I can't handle it.



Sucking lips.



Can't stay awake for a hike, so I'll just take a nap here.



Look at the size of that head. Seriously.


A favorite toy, even Larry tells us the phone is rotting his brain and making him unable to sleep. I have been keeping him away from it since I heard the sleep idea. Anything that might help!

Sense of Humor

It is interesting what babies find amusing. The other day I was fixing the futon while Makili was standing in the crib next to me. I bent over to get something and flipped my hair back as I stood up. He cracked up. So I did it again, which produced an even more raucous bout of laughter. So for solid five minutes I practiced my head-banging, while he melted in infectious laughter. Cheap thrills.

Padded Room?

Things with Makili have changed really fast. I remember the first few times he fell and bonked his head. I freaked out and yelled at Raph, who was of course at fault. I think he must have fallen at least a dozen times today. He is just not content hanging out playing with toys. To be honest, it is completely exhausting. Like there are things I want to get done. I put him in his crib to play for a little while today while I was reading some stuff in the same room. The crib is safe. He pulls himself up on the side and makes noise and smacks his hand on the side and what not. So I'm doing my own thing and he's happy and then all of a sudden he lets out his, "that hurts a lot" scream. I look up and he's standing there. His feet, arms and legs aren't twisted through the slats. So I'm like, "what is the deal?" Then all of a sudden blood comes oozing out of his mouth! Shit!! I of course freaked out. I guess he bit his lip or hip it on the side of the crib or something. There wasn't anything sharp, so I don't really know what the hell he did, but I mean come on. I can't even leave him alone in the crib for christ's sake! He was over it in like a minute, but I don't think I'm over it yet.

Fun With Grammy

I really can't get enough of this infectious laughter. We had a great visit with my mom this week... Can't you tell.

The Caterpillar

He is already way more efficient at his "crawl" than he was three days ago, but you get the picture. Anyway. He's so damn cute, I'm going to end up posting way too many videos...there's another one coming tomorrow.

Milestones

7 months. 200th post on my blog. We've come a long way. He crawls. He pulls up on things. He doesn't put things in his mouth (the only baby I know.) He is starting to really like his mom a LOT. He concentrates and investigates. He loves to hold food, anything food, and somehow he can tell food from non-food without tasting it. He will stare at a pretzel for a long time, turning it over, feeling its delicate curves and rough salt. Today we gave him an avocado peel and he really liked that slimy new texture. He loved that so much his socks turned green. Oh well. He loves music class. He does not like that there aren't breasts waiting for him at every moment of the day. He does not like it if you show him the pacifier when he wants to nurse. He likes your hands to be waiting to help him stand. He knows the word "help" which is said to as we offer our hands. We're just starting baby sign language. I thought I would start with milk, since he loves that so much, but he's too hysterical when he wants to nurse to look at my hands or even put an inch between him and my chest, so we gave up and are starting with "help" and "more." We'll see how that goes. He still likes being outside even when it is frickin cold or there is a foot of fresh snow. We went on a hike in the newly fallen snow this last week. So beautiful. He likes the BIG goodnight moon book, the book with the flaps that hide body parts, the puppy our friends Ryan and Jess gave him that talks, mom's necklace, and matchbox cars. We like the fact that he is finally sleeping through the night again, or at least 6-8 hours at a clip. Thank you sleep gods. He's a pretty happy camper, and we really can't complain either.