Raph and I got married in April. April Fool's Day to be exact. His brother got married 18 months earlier, and his cousin (our roommate) about five years ago. My brother got married about 8 months before we did. We also have a lot of married friends and I've watched all of these couples and their interactions carefully.
Some of these couples fight a lot, Not like Raph and I fight - they swear, full of meanness. But I've learned that these couples don't mean much of what they say. Its empty, constant fighting. Sometimes it makes me and others uncomfortable, but mostly they seem to think its harmless.
I think it matters. I think it is important how Raph and I talk to eachother. It's has the potential to be a self-fulfilling prophecy...if I tell Raph we are lucky to have eachother, that will be how we genuinely feel about eachother. If on the otherhand I call him an asshole all the time, I think I'd eventually begin to believe that. It's the same deal with my students - expectations. If I expect a lot from them, they will deliver a lot.
My father had a liver transplant when I was in 9th grade. At the time, my mother learned a saying about health problems after a transplant..."you either pay early or par late." My dad paid early; we weren't sure he was going to make it after the original surgery. And he has been relatively healthy thereafter. I don't know if marriage is really the same thing, but it might be.
Maybe you go through struggles early in your relationship and survive them together. And maybe that is necessary. Some of the married couples I know have already faced some pretty big obstacles. And yet, when I'm with them, I'm really not sure that they're going to make. They don't always seems like they have a basic like of eachother. Alot of older people talk about marriage being so tough. It doesn't feel tough, and I guess sometimes that worries me, especially when I consider some of the other married couples I know. Is too easy bad?
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